A while ago, I talked about doing something related to self acceptance every so often here in this area of the internet.
I kind of think this whole site is related to self acceptance, no?
Anyway, I’ve been giving this subject a lot of thought, and I want to share some tips with you guys that I’ve learned over time, both in my professional training/experience and personally.
Step One: Become aware of the thoughts you’re having that are getting in the way of accepting and loving yourself.
When you’re feeling like crap, there are usually thoughts behind that crappy feeling. When I feel bad about myself, I can pinpoint the thoughts I’m having, like, “Wow, you look like crap today,” etc. Think about it: If there was someone in your life who told you negative things about yourself all the time, you’d feel bad. It’s the same when you say negative things to yourself. The difference is that many of us have trained ourselves to talk shit about ourselves over time. It becomes a habit. Because it’s such a habit, most of us aren’t even aware that we’re doing it.
Get aware. Start to notice those thoughts. No need to judge them, just noticing them is great. Better yet, start to write down some of the thoughts you’re having. Keep a little notepad with you throughout the day to keep track of your thoughts/feelings. It might look something like this:
1/4/12, 9:44pm
Feeling: anxious
Thought: “People will think this post is stupid.”
Ok, I don’t actually think that, just using it as a for-instance 
But see how my thought of “People will think this post is stupid” leads to anxiety?
When you start to become aware of the thoughts in a non-judgmental way, the next part of the process can begin.
Step Two: Challenge those thoughts you noticed in step one.
The truth is, I don’t know if people will think this post is dumb. It turns out that I can’t tell the future (as awesome as that would be). Once I notice that I’m having a thought that is getting in the way and causing me stress, I can examine it, decide if it’s true or not, and challenge it. If I really assumed that people would read this and decide it was stupid, I would never post anything and this blog would cease to exist.
In the case of female facial hair, for example, I used to think that no one would accept me as I am. I thought I would never be able to tell people about my hair or reveal it to anyone.
But again, I can’t see the future, and I can’t read peoples’ minds. And I was wrong.
Often, it’s hard to challenge the thoughts. To begin, I suggest considering the possibility that the thought might not be true. You don’t have to believe that it’s not true, but just consider the possibility. Over time, it will become easier to challenge. I promise. It just takes practice.
Step Three: Replace those thoughts with positive thoughts.
When you create a habit, what you’re doing is creating “grooves” in your brain. The thought patterns we have strengthen over time, which is why habits can be so difficult to break. So, we have to practice new patterns in order to create new habits.
When you catch yourself saying negative things about yourself, and then you consider the possibility that the thought might not be true, after a while you might start to believe that it’s not true. Did that make sense? I hope so.
Once that happens, you will be at a point where you can start having new thoughts that will serve you better than the old ones. The whole process, using the above example, looks something like this (and this is me talking to myself):
“People will think this post is stupid.”
“Wait, that might not be true.”
“In fact, it’s probably not true at all. I don’t know what other people will think. I’m not a mind-reader or a psychic.”
“You know what? People will probably think this post is awesome!”
To put it simply, you can often replace the old thought with the opposite thought. So, “You look like crap today,” turns into, “You look AMAZING today!”
At first, you might feel like you’re lying to yourself. It might feel weird. But it will feel weird because you’re not used to the positive thought yet, and it will take practice to get used to it. Remember that you’re forming a new habit by doing this. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not always comfortable.
When I say unhelpful, negative things to myself, I sometimes think, “Would you talk to your best friend this way?” And the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT. So why talk to yourself in an unloving, unhelpful way? We’re so hard on ourselves. Be your own best friend. It feels way better than being super mean to yourself.
And have a good night.
